im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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