my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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