Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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