I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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