Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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