I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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