i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
