that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
