It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
