So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
