forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
