Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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