I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
