true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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