There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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