My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
