So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
