I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
