He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
