Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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