just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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