I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
