I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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