His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
