if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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