He told me they were just razor bumps!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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