I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
