I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
