I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
