Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
