Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hippo gnu deer
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
