He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
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New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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