I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize