I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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