If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
