I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
