I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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