singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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