Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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