You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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