Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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