just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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