I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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