Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
