Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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