fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
