How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
