Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I didn't notice because vodka
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
