thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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