I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
