I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
