On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
