You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
