how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
