You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
