True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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