This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
