watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
