Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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