Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I would fuck him just for his dog
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
