thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
