I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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