Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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