Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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