the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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