if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
