I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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