haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
