I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
