Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
high people should be assigned attendants
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
