hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize