if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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