Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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