i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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