White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am one with the molecules
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
