I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
