ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
