They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
