I want to make a zoo with you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
