We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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